I really don't want to make this all about HCIMYLM Man, but today on my way home from work, I discovered he now has a full sized guitar, a giant gold pig-shaped piggy bank on a table, and Sperry topsiders. So, he's great, we all know he's great, the end, just picture an absurdity curve that goes upwards infinitely, and that is him.
Now, I promise that is the last mention of him for a while. I have heard the fans shouting in the streets ("But what has your mom been texting?!" "Have you abandoned embarrassing hats? WINTER IS COMING! Also how do you feel about Game of Thrones?!") and I am responding with a thrilling post about the job that I have now. It is a bartending job and it is great for a number of reasons. I have put the reasons in a list below:
1. British customer service standards are so incredibly low that I am required to do almost nothing but still considered to be pretty good at my job. In a world where I once entered a bank to take money out and was told that that branch was "not a cash bank", and no money was handled there, a bartender literally only needs to put the drink on the counter and take the money and give the required change. You don't even need to be fast. I sent a fax today because the governmental agency I was trying to send a copy of my passport to REFUSED to accept a scan over the weekend so I had to wait til Monday when the printing place near my flat was open. British people are cool with waiting for things.
2. Because I work in an office building--not naming names for "professionalism" reasons, it's just a Corporation that is in charge of Broadcasting and is British, could be any building or office--and because the office is kind of arty--again, could be anywhere, just some place where culture is produced, no one knows where--it is like a beautiful little community of pals who all know each other and are just happy to be hanging out and therefore don't give me or each other a hard time. Just a Bustling, Beautiful Community. Where I work. Could be anywhere.
3. Having a job that is just making drinks and sometimes bringing nachos to people's tables means I can just go home and not have anything else to think about. I can read or see my friends or watch a hundred hours of cat videos on the internet and there's nothing else I need to be doing. It almost feels wrong to not be stressed about some terrible and obscure paper. In related news, I can't believe how much time I used to spend thinking about how I could best compose a pun that would involve Thomas Middleton, gender norms and the concept of dismemberment. (FYI it's "Maidenheads and Maiden's heads: The dissection of the female in Middleton". In case you were wondering, which, obviously we all were.)
4. Before I got this job I was getting pretty desperate. A well dressed older lady approached me on the street one day with some flyers for her soon-to-open bar, and told me that I "had the look" they were going for for their waiting staff, so I should consider sending in "an application and some photos." Cool bar, right? How great that they're just wandering the streets checking out girls with the right look! JK, it turned out to be a topless gentleman's club. So, working at a place that lets me keep my top on is a real plus these days. I try not to think about how the removal of a bra and t-shirt would mean literally five times more money an hour.
5. Today at work the big boss came in, never learnt my name, and referred to me only as "The African Queen" without ever explaining why. A choir of heavenly angels followed him around echoing 'perfect'.
Everybody, quit what you're doing and get a job working in a bar, right? Living the dream! Keeping our shirts on! Also today as I was rounding up a Skype chat with my Dad he said "so have you seen that French movie about the caves?" He later sent me an email that was two lines, one of which was "I have a cold." I cannot WAIT to come home to Canada and get all the hot news at Christmas!
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