LIFE, sometimes, you know?

"Well of course the lovely thing about the house is that each marchioness has such a different taste, and that is really reflected in the Great Hall. Most of the decorative touches in there aren't original, they've been Jacobethan-ized by past dowagers. ...More tea?"

THIS REALLY HAPPENED TO ME.

I spent the day with the other research interns at Hatfield House, a manor home in Hertfordshire originally built in 1611. It's closed to the public in the winter but we went on a Special Geek Mission to check out the Jacobean tapestries. (This is my life now, deal with it everyone.) It was nerd heaven- the library there literally looks like the one from the part in Beauty and the Beast where he just gives her the library as a present. BEST PRESENT EVER. NICE ONE, THE BEAST.

It was also the most British day of my life.

We had tea (in real china cups, on real china saucers) and sandwiches (coronation chicken cut into tiny triangles) and cake (fruit) in the TAPESTRY WORKSHOP overlooking the gardens, which look like this:

I was informed about the joys of lemon curd and the geography of Shropshire. There was some discussion about a candlelit ball. It was serious. Afterward, we went on a tour and asked nerdy questions about crown mouldings and when we got outside, the lord and lady of the house-who are literally a LORD AND LADY-were arriving home from a walk in the countryside with their dogs. They were dressed almost exactly like this, but with more HAT happening:

I, on the other hand, was covered in sawdust from crawling around on some boards looking at the bizarrely-shaped breasts of the busts on the ceiling that was getting restored in their home/beautiful historic building/where Queen Elizabeth I actually lived for a bit. I respectfully averted my eyes (?) out of confusion as to what else to do, but then their dog came over and put its entire face up the back of my dress and there was no avoiding them.

For the first time in my life I literally thought should I curtsey, slightly? A bit of a bow, maybe? Some marginal act of deference because these are real life nobility and that is a REAL THING that exists in the world and here you are at their manor house for no good reason while their dog sniffs your bum and it's pretty funny but no one is allowed to laugh and nice tapestries, your lord and ladyship? I went with a limp handshake and weak "pleasure to meet you", so probably they could tell.

They were very friendly and sweet, and kept apologizing for the state of the house... I think if they saw the room that I live in they would be too confused to even pity me. "What do you mean you... live... here? Where? Wh... where do you keep your collection of quilted jackets and distinguished-looking riding hats? Where do all the rifles go? YOU SLEEP HERE?!? I believe a case of the vapours is coming on. Fetch me my fainting couch."

The day was pretty wonderful, all in all, with a lovely train ride, some great fun trying to read Old English spelling off the border of a 16th century tapestry (I told you, this is my life now), and the moment when our host, a delightfully British older lady named Joan, who may be the poshest woman in the world next to Lady Salisbury herself, referred to early modern clothing as "severely blinged out". She is the gem of Hatfield House (second maybe to the many actual gems that I'm sure they keep therein).

In closing, the most romantic scene from any Disney film ever. And this INCLUDES the scene in Mulan where she has to pretend to be a man and go skinny dipping with the fat guy... sigh.