Qui vol cet oiseau?

Okay, Air Transat. Okay, people who take airplanes. We need to have a talk.

To Air Transat:
Your in-flight entertainment plan should definitely not have included Big Momma's House 3: Like Momma like Son, or whatever that nightmare was called. I did, however, greatly enjoy the periodic breaks for Spanish language lessons (me gusta los continental breakfast) and the Canadian trivia from 1991—which female singer had a mega-hit with the song "Black Velvet"? Now I know. It was Alannah Myles.

The main thing I wanted to talk about though, was the occasional cartoon you would put up that was just an airplane with a blinking light on the top of it, and a speech bubble saying "Who's driving this bird?". For one thing, it made me nervous about who, in fact, was driving said bird. For two, it made me really nervous that you guys also don't know how planes work. One of us should know that.

To people who take airplanes: 
I understand that sometimes you want to take your baby with you when you are going places. Don't do this. Or at least, if you do, don't let them play with all the buttons on their chair until they find the very amusing overhead light on/off button. Also, don't be mad at me when I look at them with my I'mma Cut You face; I am not above giving that face to a child.

Further, I understand that plane tickets are expensive and that it's probably pretty embarrassing to have to buy two seats to accommodate just you if you are a large person. However, I bet it was more embarrassing when the girl beside you woke up and you both realized she had been using THE SIDE OF YOUR BODY as an arm-rest the whole time, because the actual arm-rest was in fact covered by the side of your body. Embarrassing for us all. Buy an extra seat on the bird!

I sound like a real grump and I have already done a blog post re: my feelings on air travel, so maybe shut up Monica on this one, but also, Air Transat really is the butthole of the skies.

The good news is, I am back in England where the tv is weird, the people are cheeky, and "Salad Cream" is a thing.