there are weirder things to study than dissection in the early modern period

monica (4:31pm):
hello hello- what are you up to?

emily (4:33pm): 

researching dog-powered treadmills, you?

monica (4:33pm):

......

emily (4:34pm):

this is my life now.

"hands in the air victory" INDEED

This is a list of words and/or phrases people have searched that lead them to my blog. Each one is a beautiful treasure, and, I think, a wonderful reflection on me as a person. Behold:

- "hatfield house "

- "monica heisey twitter "

- "and the author "

- "the shard "

- "hairy old women farting and shitting "

- "hands in the air victory "

- "hasselhoff "

- "http://www.monic-ahh.blogspot.com "

- "kate middleton ursula "

- "leopard print fur hats+euros" A few things about this list:

Things I Did This Week Instead of My Dissertation:

• Attended a very lovely comedy evening featuring a character called "Party Bee" and a review of all Disney's straight-to-DVD sequels. Guys. Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time is a real thing. But really, the truth of the matter is, I'm never going to have a bad time at a show where a be-stubbled man sings "Part of Your World" and accompanies himself on the ukulele.

• Wandered around London like an impoverished pilgrim, peering in cafe windows like a Dec. 23 Tiny Tim. Went home and discovered my flatmates enjoy eating spinach like it is chips, raw and straight out of the bag.

• Gave up on Google+ at almost the EXACT MOMENT I accepted my invitation. (Related: Shut up Google, "invitation." This is the internet, and if it was invite-only there would be no lonely weirdos making mash ups of cats and Star Wars or whatever it is that I look at all day.)

• Had a lot of pictures of my friends having a good time in Toronto sent to me over bbm. It was kind of delightful and kind of agonizing, and Ava, if you are reading this, your boobs are looking great.

• And lastly, instead of writing my dissertation I ... drew things like this...? for some reason? This is also only one of a number of cartoons I drew where the joke is just a pun drawn out as a literal thing? 

Shut up brain. Go back to reading that play you are reading that one literary critic has called "sensational even by Elizabethan standards", and "almost preposterously violent".

SUMMER 2011, right?

TAKE ME OUT

What I like most about having started a humour-oriented blog upon moving to England [professional tip: probably if that is how you describe your blog it is not very humourous. However, my mom reads this thing and laaaaughs and laaaaaughs so here we are.] is that England is SO SILLY I barely have to do anything. What follows is a description of the British television show Take Me Out. It is just a real show that exists here and is fairly widely watched.

A love match in the making, I'm sure. Paddy is a modern-day Cupid.

Lights up. Thirty or so ladies stand at illuminated podiums with their names written on them. They are very dolled up and wearing shiny party dresses, corsets, fascinators, etc. The host, a cheeky Irishman named Paddy, appears and gives them a hard time about being "singletons", prompting some of them to get VERY cheeky in return, while others look kind of sad in the heavily made-up face.

THEN. A series of male suitors descends from a pod in the middle of the stage. The technical term for this pod is "The Love Lift." They descend one at a time after Paddy shrieks "Single Man, reveal yourself!". Usually they dance.

i promise i will eventually post something that is NOT my dad bbm-ing me, but at the moment he is on fire and who are we to fight it?

7:21 pm DJPete: hey sweetie hope you're having a good day!

7:25 pm monica.heisey: great day. very good day.

7:27 pm DJPete: And why not, it's Friday night, you are a single gal in London on Canada Day!

This girl knows what we're talkin' about.

I'm almost 100% certain that if I got my Mom on BBM I could do daily updates based entirely on text messages from my parents. Miss you guys. Happy Canada day from your SINGLE GAL* IN THE CITY!

*My boyfriend is very nice and you've all met him a few different times.

every day i thank jesus for BBM

5:14 pm DJPete: Honey Badger

5:15 pm monica.heisey: ... say what now.

5:16 pm DJ Pete: Youtube. Honey Badger. Watch it and report! Love dad.

rump stump thump

There is a little brick laneway between the courtyard where my flat is and the main street that runs in front of it. It is a very convenient way to get out to the main road and also to and from the grocery store at the end of the road.

Yesterday, in the throes of research, I went on an emergency Diet Coke run, and ended up picking up a few other groceries as well. With my arms full, I headed back home. As I walked through the little laneway area, I met a man halfway through. He had one arm and was really smiley. I'd never met anyone else in the alley before, so I didn't realize it was not big enough for two people to pass through comfortably until it was too late.

Google search complete wanted me to search for "Winklevoss twins". NOT PERVY ENOUGH.

And by "too late", I mean "the man with one arm slapped my butt with his stump, winked at me, and walked along."