working girl (not that kind)

I really don't want to make this all about HCIMYLM Man, but today on my way home from work, I discovered he now has a full sized guitar, a giant gold pig-shaped piggy bank on a table, and Sperry topsiders. So, he's great, we all know he's great, the end, just picture an absurdity curve that goes upwards infinitely, and that is him.

Now, I promise that is the last mention of him for a while. I have heard the fans shouting in the streets ("But what has your mom been texting?!" "Have you abandoned embarrassing hats? WINTER IS COMING! Also how do you feel about Game of Thrones?!") and I am responding with a thrilling post about the job that I have now. It is a bartending job and it is great for a number of reasons. I have put the reasons in a list below:

brief update

HOW CAN I MAKE YOU LOVE ME Man has a full-sized guitar now with a case for collecting money. Yesterday he was just laughing to himself and playing one string over and over. More blogs (unrelated to that man) tomorrow.

my dream duet

Okay, so, err'body be trippin' about how I haven't updated this blog in a million years, and I get it, we all love to procrastinate. Except here is the thing: I don't need to procrastinate anymore! I'm officially all finished with school! I have a Master's degree now, which is probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, but here we are, it's happened, that's just a thing that is true about me now.

This is what I've been doing with my time guys.
I'm obviously really busy, too busy to blog (2B2B), definitely.

THAT BEING SAID, I really enjoyed the ol' blog and I think maybe my legions of adoring fan (singular, hey mom, how's it going) have a point. So, once a week I will try to do a blog on you guys. This week's topic is near and dear to my heart because I see him every day and his story is ever-changing and he is so mysterious. I'm getting ahead of myself.

This week is all about the man my flatmates and I refer to as The HOW CAN I MAKE YOU LOVE ME Guy:

probably that is alright for now, man. you can take it easy.

 

Shakespeare, buddy. Everyone was really impressed by Macbeth. See also: Romeo and Juliet, King Lear... great work! Dramatic and captivating. Poetry coming alive onstage. Timeless masterpieces that resonate as truly today as they surely did hundreds of years ago at the original Globe. But for the next like, two weeks, maybe just can it? Maybe just consider not being a part of my life for a month or more? Maybe get out of here and shut your pentametric mouth? Yes? Good yes okay yes thank you. Great talk. Really appreciate it. Forsooth, and all that.

there are weirder things to study than dissection in the early modern period

monica (4:31pm):
hello hello- what are you up to?

emily (4:33pm): 

researching dog-powered treadmills, you?

monica (4:33pm):

......

emily (4:34pm):

this is my life now.

"hands in the air victory" INDEED

This is a list of words and/or phrases people have searched that lead them to my blog. Each one is a beautiful treasure, and, I think, a wonderful reflection on me as a person. Behold:

- "hatfield house "

- "monica heisey twitter "

- "and the author "

- "the shard "

- "hairy old women farting and shitting "

- "hands in the air victory "

- "hasselhoff "

- "http://www.monic-ahh.blogspot.com "

- "kate middleton ursula "

- "leopard print fur hats+euros" A few things about this list:

Things I Did This Week Instead of My Dissertation:

• Attended a very lovely comedy evening featuring a character called "Party Bee" and a review of all Disney's straight-to-DVD sequels. Guys. Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time is a real thing. But really, the truth of the matter is, I'm never going to have a bad time at a show where a be-stubbled man sings "Part of Your World" and accompanies himself on the ukulele.

• Wandered around London like an impoverished pilgrim, peering in cafe windows like a Dec. 23 Tiny Tim. Went home and discovered my flatmates enjoy eating spinach like it is chips, raw and straight out of the bag.

• Gave up on Google+ at almost the EXACT MOMENT I accepted my invitation. (Related: Shut up Google, "invitation." This is the internet, and if it was invite-only there would be no lonely weirdos making mash ups of cats and Star Wars or whatever it is that I look at all day.)

• Had a lot of pictures of my friends having a good time in Toronto sent to me over bbm. It was kind of delightful and kind of agonizing, and Ava, if you are reading this, your boobs are looking great.

• And lastly, instead of writing my dissertation I ... drew things like this...? for some reason? This is also only one of a number of cartoons I drew where the joke is just a pun drawn out as a literal thing? 

Shut up brain. Go back to reading that play you are reading that one literary critic has called "sensational even by Elizabethan standards", and "almost preposterously violent".

SUMMER 2011, right?