Welcome to Chunderville, USA. Population: MY WHOLE LIFE

This is a story about barf.

If you're not into a long and detailed narrative of spew, turn back now. I mean it, this will be a tale of vom, a ton of vom, and nothing but the vom, so help me Vom. Strap in if you're ready for it, yak-afficionadoes. All of this happened to me yesterday.

I can't say for sure if it was Air Canada's pasta, or the Thai food I ate with my family before I got on the plane, or the Starbucks sandwich I had somewhere in between, or some kind of unrelated virus entirely, but whatever it was, good work to it, it definitely won Britain's Next Biggest Life Ruiner. BECAUSE:

working girl (not that kind)

I really don't want to make this all about HCIMYLM Man, but today on my way home from work, I discovered he now has a full sized guitar, a giant gold pig-shaped piggy bank on a table, and Sperry topsiders. So, he's great, we all know he's great, the end, just picture an absurdity curve that goes upwards infinitely, and that is him.

Now, I promise that is the last mention of him for a while. I have heard the fans shouting in the streets ("But what has your mom been texting?!" "Have you abandoned embarrassing hats? WINTER IS COMING! Also how do you feel about Game of Thrones?!") and I am responding with a thrilling post about the job that I have now. It is a bartending job and it is great for a number of reasons. I have put the reasons in a list below:

brief update

HOW CAN I MAKE YOU LOVE ME Man has a full-sized guitar now with a case for collecting money. Yesterday he was just laughing to himself and playing one string over and over. More blogs (unrelated to that man) tomorrow.

my dream duet

Okay, so, err'body be trippin' about how I haven't updated this blog in a million years, and I get it, we all love to procrastinate. Except here is the thing: I don't need to procrastinate anymore! I'm officially all finished with school! I have a Master's degree now, which is probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, but here we are, it's happened, that's just a thing that is true about me now.

This is what I've been doing with my time guys.
I'm obviously really busy, too busy to blog (2B2B), definitely.

THAT BEING SAID, I really enjoyed the ol' blog and I think maybe my legions of adoring fan (singular, hey mom, how's it going) have a point. So, once a week I will try to do a blog on you guys. This week's topic is near and dear to my heart because I see him every day and his story is ever-changing and he is so mysterious. I'm getting ahead of myself.

This week is all about the man my flatmates and I refer to as The HOW CAN I MAKE YOU LOVE ME Guy:

probably that is alright for now, man. you can take it easy.

 

Shakespeare, buddy. Everyone was really impressed by Macbeth. See also: Romeo and Juliet, King Lear... great work! Dramatic and captivating. Poetry coming alive onstage. Timeless masterpieces that resonate as truly today as they surely did hundreds of years ago at the original Globe. But for the next like, two weeks, maybe just can it? Maybe just consider not being a part of my life for a month or more? Maybe get out of here and shut your pentametric mouth? Yes? Good yes okay yes thank you. Great talk. Really appreciate it. Forsooth, and all that.

there are weirder things to study than dissection in the early modern period

monica (4:31pm):
hello hello- what are you up to?

emily (4:33pm): 

researching dog-powered treadmills, you?

monica (4:33pm):

......

emily (4:34pm):

this is my life now.

"hands in the air victory" INDEED

This is a list of words and/or phrases people have searched that lead them to my blog. Each one is a beautiful treasure, and, I think, a wonderful reflection on me as a person. Behold:

- "hatfield house "

- "monica heisey twitter "

- "and the author "

- "the shard "

- "hairy old women farting and shitting "

- "hands in the air victory "

- "hasselhoff "

- "http://www.monic-ahh.blogspot.com "

- "kate middleton ursula "

- "leopard print fur hats+euros" A few things about this list: